ACCIO Neil Patrick Harris

Have y’all seen the State Farm commercials? You know, the ones that sing? Here, let me try and post one… let’s see if this works… cross your fingers….

Ha! It worked! … Sort of.

Well, obviously it isn’t as spectacular for you because you could already see there was a video link, but it was a huge accomplishment for me. Okay, maybe not a huge accomplishment. It’s not like I won the Olympics or defeated a whole legion of dementors. Those would be huge accomplishments. This is more like…. snail sex. (What? Did I really just say snail sex? Why would I write that? I could’ve said it’s like after 20 years finally figuring out how to play hopscotch. That would’ve been much better. Oh well, can’t change it now.) Alright, fine, it’s not an accomplishment at all. Happy?

Anyways, we’ve gotten off point. So you know how the commercial works. You sing the jingle, add something you want like a hot tub or a sandwich, and bippity-boppity-boo, it appears.

I was hanging in the lounge of my building with some friends when this subject came up. We all took turns singing the jingle and then asking for something. When my turn came around, I asked for Neil Patrick Harris (of course).

Another girl, who was also in the lounge, turned to me and said “Yeah, good one. Except he’s gay, so that kind of ruins it.”

Kind of ruins it…. Kind of ruins what? I don’t understand. What was she expecting to do with a magically acquired man that she couldn’t do with a gay one? I wanted Neil so we could hang out and talk… and so he could sing me songs from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. What if I had said Tom Felton or Johnny Depp? What deplorable, perverted things were you planning on doing to my man, lady??

But let’s be honest, nothing could ruin NPH. Not even snail sex. True story.

You would think that after 20+ years on this Earth, of 20+ years being around people, that would be enough time to stop being shocked or surprised by what came out of people’s mouths. It’s not. We all know it’s not nearly enough time. You could double that number, probably even triple it, maybe even quadruple it, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Sometimes, and this is only rarely, I wish I was Edward Cullen. Wait, hear me out. Because he was able to read people’s minds. Because behind every statement is the thought that lies beneath. Behind every question is the real question begging to be asked. Sometimes I wish I knew what people were actually thinking. And then I realize that I probably really, really don’t, because how terrifying would that be? I mean, sparkling in the sun? Not my idea of a good time.

Edward discovered that most people were thinking about sex or money. And sometimes cats. Which leads me back to Neil (the sex, not the cats). Why are we always thinking about sex? I’m not just talking about horny teenagers here, I mean throughout human history, dating all the way back to cave drawings and stick figure memes, sex has been an integral part of our lives, and it still is today. Tabloids and gossip magazines are always He cheated on her, or My mother’s having my baby, plus Guess who got caught, not to mention Their breaking up, and every once in a while Their getting back together, married, pregnant, divorced, and now she’s gay! on and on and on.

We, as a species, as a culture, are obsessed. Obsessed I say! Asking for a man with the State Farm song was only valid if I got a heterosexual man.

So here’s my two cents. Sex is not that important, not in the grand scheme of things, and not at the expense of other people. It seems like so much drama, whether real life or television life, stems from this. Don’t look at people as gateways to sex or salvation. Treat them as if they were human beings, because, baring any unforeseen pod people invasions, chances are they are.


5 thoughts on “ACCIO Neil Patrick Harris

  1. Roxi Now says:

    “Like a good neighbor State Farm is there…with — do fictional characters work? Probably not, so — Nathan Fillion.” He is obviously better than Neil, I mean, otherwise he wouldn’t sing a song about it right? But what am I supposed to do with him after we play Firefly? Do I have to feed him?

    Now to the girl, why does she care if you wanted NPH, it’s not like she has anything to do with it. What if you had said you wanted a PB & J sandwich, would she say “Yeah, but it’s white bread so that kind of ruins it?” No.

    Our culture is not only obsessed with sex, but also if someone is gay or not. I mean, all you have to do is type an actor’s name into Google and when the top searches pop up one of them will be ‘gay.’

    Now more about sex. In the soap opera, As the World Turns, there were two gay characters. Watching their relationship develop it is easy to see the way the writers treated them differently compared to all the other couples. On one hand, it was frustrating that they were treated differently and that the show kept making situations to keep them from having sex. On the other hand, because of this they did not jump into bed with each other like so many of the other characters did and actually got to know and love each other before they had sex.

    I think that sex is like songs from musicals. By itself it is not important, but in the right situation — two people actually ’making love’ or a song moving the plot forward — it becomes important.

    • Dear Roxi, Of course fictional characters count. Which character would you sing to your side? And I can’t believe there is a song about that. Holy crap, the internet really does have everything.
      What a wonderful metaphor for sex. Simply inspired. You are quite right. I’m not saying that sex is inherently bad, or that it’s the devil’s doing or something, I just think we spend way too much time focusing on it. And you’re also so right on the gay question. Why do we care so much about people being gay? Unless it is you, or your spouse/partner, you have no business knowing it.
      People are much too interested with what’s between people’s legs rather than what’s between their ears.
      I think the ATWT thing, Luke and Noah/Reid not having sex was because they weren’t really sure how people would react to it (like it would cause an outcry or something? Scandalous!) So instead of having them jump into bed together, like normal, they kept interrupting, thereby making them fall in love and therefore validating the sex as being love and not lust. Or, perhaps it was a cleverly disguised metaphor for how hard it is for gay people to do what normal heterosexual people do on a regular basis without being judged. Perhaps they were trying to show how people keep getting in the way for them to love each other? Probably not. It was probably just the scandalous thing.

      • inkAngel365 says:

        I would sing a Ewok into my arms in a second if I could.
        I agree with you on needing to know if someone is gay or not, especially celebrities. It doesn’t really matter if an actor is gay or not. It doesn’t affect their acting ability and, I mean, you aren’t going to end up with them anyway.
        ATWT was definitely a move because of scandal because when Luke and Noah started dating there was a kissing ban for a while (seriously. Not even joking.)

  2. Jeyna Grace says:

    Many other vamps in fictional stories can read minds.. most of them in the Night World series. LOL. Just saying.

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