Mike and Ike…. are gay?


Mike and Ikes. Wonderful candy. Wonderful people, too. I remember when I first met Mike. I thought he was a little weird at first. You know, twitchy. He used to always have one earbud in when he spoke to you, like he superglued it there or something. Well, actually one time it was superglued. Ike pranked him. It was great. The earbud was stuck for a week. He couldn’t take showers, so then one time when he was…. Well, he made me promise never to tell that story. Alright, you talked me into it. One time when Mike was taking a bath, Ike unlocked the bathroom door, ran in, and squirted red dye into the water. Mike didn’t see or hear it coming. He was listening to the music through the attached earbud. I swear to you, for the next three days from the chest down, Mike looked like an oompa loompa. What was even more funny was he was singing to the song he was listening to, and I’m pretty sure it was Beyonce. But don’t tell him I told you.

Ike on the other hand, man is he a pistol. He’s like a chipmunk on coffee. He’s like a ferret on speed! The boy never sits down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him sit down and eat a meal. And he’s always scribbling on things. On napkins, on the tablecloth, on his jeans, on his bedsheets in the middle of the night, on the freaking walls! The whole outside of his house is covered in graffiti. His graffiti. Ike loves to keep colored sharpies in his pockets at all times in case he gets that itching to tag my curtains with another one of his designs. (I don’t mind really, they actually look better that way. I just would have appreciated it if he asked beforehand. Or had done it while I was home.)

When I heard about them breaking up though, I… I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t understand. They seemed perfect for each other, you know? They were meant to be together. Like Simon and Garfunkel, or Jack Skellington and Sally, or Garfield and lasagna! Mike would mellow Ike out so he could actually be functional in society, and Ike made Mike laugh, and smile, and gave him something to watch over. I’m still in shock over it. I didn’t see it coming.

One of my friends said that they wouldn’t get back together until Marriage Equality is federally recognized, but I’m not so sure if that’s true.

But for whatever reason, I just hope that someday, soon hopefully, they can sit down and talk, and really listen to each other, and work out the issues. I’m not going to say if I’m on Team Mike or Team Ike, because they shouldn’t be separated. They can’t be! I know everything will work out right. They just need a little perspective, you’ll see. Before you know it, we’ll be strolling down the riverbank arm-in-arm like old times. I just…. I just have to st-stay positive about these things.

Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s not about gay marriage. It’s just a marketing ploy that will end sometime next year when they break up “forever” or are happily reunited (whatever that means). It’s a cute idea, but I was not at all intrigued until I heard the marriage equality thing, and then i was really intrigued… and then was really disappointed.

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