To Jennifer: an Ode to your Face

Jennifer, you are amazing
Let me count the ways:
You are more temperate than the Arizona heat
Are warmer than the awkward brush against a vampire hand.
You do your laundry… sometimes.
You are more perfect than a Prefect,
And sing a more beautiful ballad than Chewbacca on Kashyyyk.
If you were the Ring, Middle Earth would be more fucked than Fuck Me Raw
for no one could bear throw such Precious into Mount Doom.
If you were a Slayer, and I was a Vampire, I’d let you stake me.  *inappropriate*
You are more brilliant than Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
And more stylish than Harold Winkyface.
Even if you were the Silence, I could never forget a face like yours.
In fact, I can see much clearler now.
Colors mix with whites around you,
And lions lay down with lambs,
And party boys lay down with missionar… Too inappropriate?
I think I’ve gotten off track somewhere…
Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be studying. Or packing.
Oh my god, there’s a yellow truck outside my window! BINGO! *punches you*
Okay, now I’ve gotten off track for shizzle my nizzle.
I was going to say my Jizzle, you know, for Jennifer…. *inappropriate*
I’m pretty sure Google wouldn’t let you search that.
Where was I? Oh yeah… snail sex! Just kidding. Awkward.
Just put it in the wash, it’ll be grand.
Thom and Cal wouldn’t have communication issues if they were cool like you.
You steal people’s hearts like the Rebellion stole the Death Star Plans.
Baby, I love you so much that if Joss Whedon were writing our romance, one of us would be dead by now.
You look great when you wear a little tiny mustache.
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal… in bed!
Every day a new hell.
… the *special* hell.
Okay, I’m stopping this now before it gets too awkward.
So, in conclusion… Don’t be racist.

I love you!

I know.

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