What Do You Look Like In Your Bathing Suit?

Funny how beauty ideals change so quickly and so vastly. An ad actually campaigning women to gain weight?? The madness! The sheer madness!

I mean, you can’t walk into a grocery store today without ten different tabloids and magazines shouting Quick and Easy Ways to Lose 10 Pounds by Tomorrow! With Spring creeping up upon us suddenly out of the darkness of winter, this dreaded topic of swimsuits is sure to be on many a woman’s mind.

Corsets, crash diets, diet pills, diet t.v. dinners, diet soda, diet sugar, starvation, bulimia  anorexia, and now that even isn’t good enough anymore and so we have photoshop to finish the job. We forget that for thousands of years round hips and soft curves were considered feminine and healthy, sexy and beautiful. It’s only within the last 50 years that a boyish figure has turned popular. And the figure is boyish. Skinny, gangly, tall… that sounds like a young boy to me. Some models are so skinny that they actually lose their menstruation cycle. Can you see the point I’m making here?

Your curves are womanly. Demonstrated by the advertisement above, people wanted to be voluptuous, sensuous, lascivious even.

They wanted a little badonk-a-donk in the trunk of that wagon you’re draggin’, girl! Own that booty. Because, despite popular belief, not

Hothothothot... *cough* I mean.. what?

Hothothothot… *cough* I mean.. what?

all guys want twigs. I know that we’re trained to think that, but believe me when I say there are plenty, plenty of guys out there who do not subscribe to the so-skinny-that-your-ovaries-stop-working look that movies, television, magazines, and billboards keep picturing. There are professional athletes that prefer women who have a little extra on the side. Big, buff traditionally “hott” men who we’re taught should only be into models, cheerleaders, and gymnasts, but they do not. Every single human being on this earth has their very own tastes and preferences, many whose interests line up exactly with you.

So if you want to wear a bikini, wear that bikini. Even if you have love handles. Let those lovely handles come out in all their glory! If you have a behind that makes people double take and say DAT ASS, wear that bikini! Own it, all of it, because its yours, and that ass and those love handles are beautiful. No, for realz. Believe it. You are harder on yourself than anyone else in the entire world. You should be confident, you should love yourself, accept yourself for who you are rather than wishing to be someone else. When you love yourself, no one else can touch you and nothing else will matter.

Say these words: I. Am. Beautiful!

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Fox News New Years Eve Disaster

Clearly, we can see where Fox News’s interests lie.

Sex.

Did you watch their New Years Eve show? I hope not. It was a huge waste of time. Half of it was models walking down a runway. What a useless show it was only about sex. The women were modeling clothes (which is one thing if we’re modeling them to show off a designer’s work, but I have no idea who the designer was, if there even was a designer[which I doubt there was]), but then they modeled skimpy swimwear that barely covered anything.

Why are these women modeling swimsuits? It’s the beginning of winter. The end of December. No one wants to buy a swimsuit. They are modeling them only for the sex appeal of it all. They want to show women’s skin. That’s it! Useless show. Clearly no longer a family show.

And then! And then they had the models talk about what they sleep in. What did most of the models answer? Nude. Classy, Fox News. Really, really classy.

What’s more, who do they have to entertain the masses? Carmen Electra.( She sang a song about how she likes loud music. Truly, a talented artist.) Who is she? I had no idea. I had to Google her. Here’s what I found out. She made her claim to fame though Playboy Magazine, then through an MTV game show called Singled Out where people compete for a date, and then through Baywatch. Way to go, Carmen. You seem to have made quite a name for yourself.

Sex!

And that annoying host? What was his name? Who cares! I hate him more than both of the X-Factor hosts combined! He thought that calling a woman “Barbie Doll” was a good compliment. At least, I think he was complimenting her. The only thing Barbie has going for her is an unrealistic plastic body… which doesn’t sound like such a great thing to me.

Way to show a positive role model for little girls all around the world, Fox. You really took it up a notch, this year. Hell, it was better than Dick Clark.